he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
