shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
