You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
