just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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