Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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