I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We just shotgunned beers for America
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
