Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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