Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This toilet bowl is my home.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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