Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
