It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
