I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
