the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
