I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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