Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
