My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
