these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
