why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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