u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
