this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
