I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize