Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
