Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize