The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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