I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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