I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
