We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
