Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
