so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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