my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
