Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize