Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
