just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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