Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
