Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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