i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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