Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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