we have pet lesbian snakes
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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