so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
