consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
