Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
