literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
