did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
