We won't sleep together?
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
