I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
