I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
