I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
