A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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