Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize