So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
