so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
