Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
