but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
