I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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