what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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