Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
