took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize