i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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