He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize