guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
