She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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