they need to just BURY HIM!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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